Sunday, August 3, 2008

re: casual sex (i know! harlot!)

This one is for the ladies. Stereotypically, men don't have a problem with casual sex. Or, rather, it isn't demanded of them that they do. But I know a number men that have qualms with casual sex. So maybe this is for the gents too.
Anyway, those who know me know I love the boys (the all grown kind) and if ever asked to justify my nature I'm confident enough as a women to admit it. I adore men. I like Sex.

I know! HARLOT!

So when I came across this picture and article, I had to rave a bit about it, and rant a bit about the bad rep casual sex still gets (no matter how much it sells).

For the record: casual sex is not by definition self-disrespect or avoidance of commitment. It is merely sex.
Whether satisfying a physical need or a psychological one, you can have healthy intimacy outside of a relationship. I would love a full three course meal of passion, love AND commitment but hell if I'm going to starve while I wait for it. Besides, sometimes all you want is the appetizer.
But without commitment does not mean without self awareness. Both parties must be aware of the situation, especially if you are in a "friends with benefits" situation. And if you are in love with that person, casual is impossible. Utterly, completely, irrevocably.
In the end, what we have to consider is motivation. Healthy sex can happen outside a relationship. Yes, sex is better with trust and intimacy and *gasp* that can happen outside a committed relationship also. Consider your motivation, consider your partner's. Consider the consequences.
Consider a colour coded chart - having friends (with benefits) who are friends of friends (with benefits) leads only to French bedroom farce. Trust me.

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